


Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

by RegressiveRock



Series: Time Isn't Holding Up [1]
Category: Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is? - Chicago (Song), Lost, Star Trek: Voyager, Supernatural, The Stepfather (1987), The X-Files, Twin Peaks
Genre: Alien Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Holodeck Sex, I researched the lore of these shows way too much for this, Lesbian Sex, Light-Hearted, Orgy, Time Travel, What Have I Done, weird things happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:21:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29785011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegressiveRock/pseuds/RegressiveRock
Summary: Twin Peaks is the converging point in a strange mystery spanning across time and space. But what does it all mean? A young Fox Mulder finds his first X-File there, in a case involving aliens, demons, hunters, time travel and who knows what else.(co-written with my friend Ronnie)
Series: Time Isn't Holding Up [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195154
Kudos: 4





	1. Too Much Time On My Hands

  
**KANSAS**

SOMETIME AFTER "HEAVEN CAN'T WAIT"

Blackened steel glistens under the moonlight, the sensual frame of a 67 Chevy Impala as its shining wheels roll down a long stretch of highway, a sign that says Lebanon 20 miles off on the side of the road. Dean Winchester is on his way back to the hidden Men of Letters bunker, dug into the side of a discreet hill, having made a late night beer and pie run. As he pulls up to the entrance, his brother Sam is waiting there hands in his green jacket pockets. Driveshaft's You All Everybody is blaring through the car speakers. 

"Dude. Driveshaft? Really?" Sam snickers.

"I can't help it, man, it's catchy."

Dean lipsyncs the chorus, playing air guitar on his leg as he swings the driver's door open:

_You all everybody,_  
_You all everybody,_  
_Actin' like you're stupid people,_  
_Wearin' expensive clothes_

Sam just laughs, half in embarrassment and half out of brotherly love. 

"And Sam, guess what? Unlike some people I know, I didn't forget the pie." 

Just as Dean's about to open the door to the bunker, his ears fill with the sound of wings fluttering. He quickly spins around, pulling his angel blade by reflex.

"Hello, Dean."

There stands Castiel, still wearing the name tag that reads "Steve". 

"Cas what the hell!?" Dean shouts. "First of all, that doesn't get any less weird. Could you give me a heads up, you know, by phone, or I don't know, maybe just do your angel teleporty stuff in front of me instead of up my ass? Secondly. Since when do you have your mojo back?"

"I don't, I took another angel's."

"You stole another angel's grace...?"

"It's not of import. Dean. We have to go to Washington, there's no time to explain. Sam, I need you to come too."

Sam tilts his head and does that thing he does with his eyebrows. 

"What's going on?" he asks, that lost puppydog look in his eyes. "What's in Washington?"

"A town called Twin Peaks, there's an entity, a manifestation of evil there and we have to stop him at all costs. Your father, John Winchester hunted this creature there years ago. I don't have the exact date but I'm hoping you do."

"Woah woah woah, Cas," Dean interrupted, "are we talking about time travel, man? What's so special about this monster that you need to send us back in time to gank him?"

"Dean, I told you there's no time. You just have to trust me. I'm begging you."

Cas's eyes are darkened and there's a sorrowful look on his face. Dean looks to Sam, who nods, and Dean looks back to Cas, shaking his head. 

"Alright. I trust you."

The boys get inside where they quickly find their dad's journal and Dean scours through the pages, looking for any reference to the town of Twin Peaks, Washington.

"I think I've got it. February 23rd, 1989."

"Good. I need you to find BOB, and you have to stop him."

"Who's B-" Dean started to say, but Castiel's hands had already touched their foreheads and they disappeared in a flash of light.

They opened their eyes, and found themselves standing in front of a large sawmill.

Dean scoffed.

"We're not in Kansas anymore."

  
**THE ISLAND**  
SOMETIME AFTER "THE CONSTANT"

"Brotha... You're gonna have to say that again," Desmond said, a look of disbelief on his face, running his hands back through his curly brown hair.

"I know, I know it's... I'm asking a lot," Faraday said, clearly on edge. "But you have to understand that I wouldn't ask this if I had any other choice. Something in my past is... changing. There are notes in my journal I can remember writing that aren't there anymore."

He holds up a blank page in his journal to Desmond.

"This page used to say 'If anything goes wrong, Desmond Hume will be my constant.' I wrote that in 1996, when you came to me at Oxford. But now it's gone. I still have the memory because in my timeline, it still happened... But in the timeline that everyone else is experiencing, this never happened."

"I think that radiation you exposed yourself to is making you crazy, brotha. If that was true, why do I remember it too?"

"Because we're both experiencing things outside of time. Our timeline runs parallel to eachother- because of the events that we've both experienced outside of linear time, we're connected and those memories still exist in the synapses within our brains. And the fact that nothing else on the Island has changed, leads me to believe it's something affecting my life in specific. I've been... I've been experiencing tangled memories, new memories I don't recall ever having intertwined with ones I've always had. Old ones I can't seem to quite recall."

"Get to the point, then."

"I think... I think someone knows about my machine and they're trying to stop me from ever inventing it. I think someone else is changing time. I need you to go back, because I need you to be my constant."

Desmond takes a moment to contemplate what Faraday has said, staring down at the sand on the beach, filling his hand with sand and letting it fall between the cracks of his fingers, then looks out at sea. 

"How do you know when to send me back... and how do you know it'll work?"

"I don't... But I have a pretty good guess."


	2. Good Times, Bad Times

**WASHINGTON, D.C.**  
BEFORE THE X-FILES

A brown-haired man in glasses fidgets in his desk chair in a little shabby office in the Violent Crimes section of the J Edgar Hoover building, swiveling from side to side. At least they let him decorate it, if segments of newspapers plastered all over his walls could count as decoration. He contemplates some mystery, his eyes scanning over an article he's already read, seemingly lost in his thoughts. It's a clipping from yesterday's paper, its headline reads "LOCAL MAN CLAIMS TO HAVE ENCOUNTERED EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFEFORMS", exactly the kind of thing that most people don't put any stock in; but this man, he _wants_ to believe. He grabs a pencil from its holder and concentratedly tosses it like a dart, sticking it precisely in the ceiling, where it stays perfectly still, suspended from its sharpened tip.

There's a knock at his office door. "Mulder?'

One of his colleagues stand in the doorway, a brown-haired woman in a smart suit.

"Assistant Director Kersh wants to speak with you." 

Fox Mulder, behavioral analyst, makes his way to A.D. Kersh's office. He takes a seat, the drab room much larger than his own and yet more lifeless somehow. Nicer furniture, though. At least his back thinks so.

"Have you heard of the Teresa Banks case, Mulder?"

"Of course I have, I've studied everything about it. What's really interesting is the disappearance of the agent who was assigned to that case, Chester Desmond. They say he just vanished into thin air, in fact there's an eyewitness report; a Deer Meadow local claims to have seen it happen."

"You really believe in that kind of nonsense? Clearly that witness was delusional. People don't just vanish, Mulder."

"Maybe it was some kind of new technology, maybe it was teleportation or some kind of cloaking device. You and I both know there's more going on out there than they tell us. Secrets that even you wouldn't have the clearance to. The Soviets believe ESP is real and we know they're performing studies on psychokinetic energy, is this really that far fetched compared to that?"

"There's a reason they're studying it and we're not. Because our science is more advanced than theirs. We don't live in a magical world, Agent Mulder. This isn't what I brought you here to talk about, I'm not going to discuss it any further. So if you'd please let me continue..." 

Mulder shakes his head in disagreement. "Go right ahead, sir."

"We have reason to suspect that Teresa Banks's killer is still at large, and that he will kill again."

Kersh slides over a tan folder, which Fox opens, taking in the picture and the file alongside it.

"He's gone by several names, Henry Morrison, Bill Hodgkins, Jerry Blake. But his real name is John Locke. He's got a sob story. He never knew his father, as a child. One day he met him, and the man stole his kidney. Now he wanders from town to town trying to find a family of his own, trying to be the perfect father that he never had. Whenever the family does something that disappoints him, he kills them and finds another. It's sick, I know."

"And what makes you think he killed Teresa Banks? A prostitute doesn't seem to fit that pattern."

"Because," Kersh said, sliding a photograph across to Mulder. "We have him at the scene of the crime, on the same day that it happened."

Mulder takes a moment to consider the picture, showing him outside Teresa Banks's trailer, dated with a stamp February 9th, 1988. 

"For him to be in front of her trailer, I'll admit that really makes it look bad. But dates can be faked. Who's your source?"

"A friend of Teresa's. Laura Palmer. She seemed pretty broken up about it, so I'm guessing they were good friends. She said this man had visited her a few times, and she was very suspicious of him... She said she took the photo the same day that Teresa died, though she didn't know it at the time, her body wasn't found until a few days later."

"Well that's pretty damning, considering his history... But I don't know. It doesn't fit his M.O. really. I'm all for getting mister creepy stepfather put behind bars, but can we really just assume he committed this murder too based on that alone?"

Kersh removes his glasses, blowing on them and wiping them with a cloth. "Read the file, Mulder."

**USS VOYAGER**  
SOMETIME AFTER "BEFORE AND AFTER"

"Mm... yeah baby... Just like that."

The holodeck doors open, and Captain Kathryn Janeway stands there in the doorway. She stares straight ahead, her eyes widening. Tom Paris is on his back, completely nude, in a bed with silky red sheets and matching blankets and pillows. There's some alien woman with teal skin, her strangely long tongue doing things that the Captain has never witnessed before. On the other side of the bed, Harry Kim's got his arms wrapped around another girl's breasts (this one's golden). At least, as many of them as he can fit in his hands. He's moaning and humping away with wild abandon. There's another two girls, also extraterrestrial, pink skinned, going to town on eachother.

Tom sees Janeway and gasps, fumbling to cover his erection (which still has an alien tongue wrapped around it) with a pillow. 

"C-Captain! I didn't see you come in, we weren't uhh.. Doing anything. COMPUTER END PROGRAM!"

Harry Kim blinks rapidly as he realizes the woman he was just thrusting into is gone, after a few thrusts into the air. He looks at his now-empty hands disappointedly.

"Hold that thought," Janeway says with a smirk, "there's no need to stop the party for my sake, boys. Resume program. Computer, give me a nine-inch strap on... Ladies?"

The Captain removes her top, and presses her breasts against one of the two girls who were being left out since Kim and Paris were so busy. She promptly french kisses her while the other girl goes between her thighs and wets Janeway's new latex appendage with saliva.

Kim and Paris glance at eachother. 

"Is this really happening?" Harry asks.

Their holodeck lovers have re-emerged and promptly tackle both of them, and start riding them. [Chicago's No Tell Lover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_lOqptCAiU) is playing on the turntable, from Tom Paris's music collection. All is bliss. Then out of nowhere the whole room begins to shake.

"Man, this bed is ROCKING under us!" Harry shouts excitedly, having shoved his girl down onto her back and assumed the missionary position.

"Harry, I don't think you're the one causing that," Tom says in a worried tone.

"Oh... You're right-" Harry glances over to Janeway with a laugh, "the Captain's the one doing the rocking!" 

Janeway had for the past few moments been rapidly pounding away at alien girl flesh, loudly slapping the girl she was humping's rear, while her face was buried in the other's crotch. Even the Captain can get carried away sometimes. She realizes what's happening and snaps back to her senses.

"Computer, end program," she says, walking to the holodeck doors. 

"You forgot your shirt! Not that I'm complaining," Tom snickers.

The Captain makes her way to the bridge.

"Commander Chakotay, what's the situation?"

She turns to her first officer, whose gaze momentarily is locked directly onto her breasts, before he averts his eyes and blushes.

"Captain, I'm sorry, but what happened to your shirt?"

"Don't be such a prude, you came into this world sucking your mother's breasts, no reason to be embarrassed by mine. Now, what's happening Chakotay?"

"It's-"

"It appears we've entered some sort of subspace vortex," Lieutenant Tuvok interjects. "Sensor scans are picking up a high level of tetryon particles. Captain, I'm getting readings that defy logic."

"Defy it how?" Janeway squints.

"I'm reading high levels of elements that I cannot identify. There appears to be many electromagnetic anomalies inside the vortex. Systems all appear to be dysfunctional, even the chronometer is no longer showing numbers but symbols I don't recognize."

Janeway walks over to the chronometer to read it, and sees that what he's said is true. The numbers where a stardate once was have been replaced by strange glyphs.

"What the hell is going on?!" Janeway glares at the chronometer, trying to figure out what to do.

Nothing in all her years at Starfleet has prepared her for this. She thinks, she thinks hard. Then in a moment of either perfect clarity or insanity, she reasons it out and comes up with her solution.

"Power down all non-essential systems, I want this ship slowed down as slow as it will go."

Tuvok tilts his head and stares at the (still currently topless) Captain.

"Captain- I fail to see the logic-"

"Sometimes, you have to do what isn't logical, Lieutenant Tuvok."

Tuvok furrowed his brows. "I don't concur. Should I inform the rest of the crew that we may be about to die?"

"That won't be necessary," Janeway smirks. 

"We're going to ride this vortex to wherever it's taking us."


	3. No Time

**TWIN PEAKS, WASHINGTON**  
FEBRUARY 23RD, 1989

"Friggin' Cas..." 

Dean grumbles and grunts under his breath about the angel who tossed them back in time, as he and his brother are making their way through brush and branches. They finally find their selves back on a main road, where they see the sign **Welcome to Twin Peaks. Population 51,201.**

"Well at least we know we're in the right place," Sam says.

"Yeah, now just to find the one BOB in a town that's probably full of Bobs. Like a needle in a friggin' haystack."

The sounds of wings flutter again as Castiel appears, this time in front of Dean, for once. Dean leaps back, thumb on the hammer of his custom nickel-plated pistol.

"Well, that's an improvement. I think. Damn I'm glad you're here, maybe you can give us a little bit more info!"

The angel appears injured, and slumps to the ground as soon as he arrives, his nose bleeding.

"CAS!" the elder Winchester cries out as he runs to help him. 

Sam never has quite understood the bond between these two. It seems to him that Dean is always cursing Cas but the second he appears, Dean cheers up and runs to his side; the two of them always saving eachother. Kind of like a third brother, he thinks, except Sam and Cas have never really connected the same way.

"Cas... What happened?"

Castiel looks back up at Dean, eyes wide in horror. Dean stares back, mouth wide as his heart races with worry for the angel. To see Castiel be scared is a truly terrifying sight. This angel has been there to stop the apocalypse more than once and never has Dean seen fear in his eyes.

"His name is BOB... eager for fun.. he wears a smile... everybody run..."

The words send a chill down Dean's spine. Sam at first thinks to rush to the Impala to get medical supplies but then he remembers it's not here with them in this time.

"What does that mean...?" 

Dean stares into Castiel's eyes, as he seems to be losing consciousness. He shakes him hard, trying to keep him holding on desperately. 

"Talk to me, what does that mean? Don't you die on me damn it!"

Castiel barely holds onto life by a thread, as he mumbles something into Dean's ear.

"The father... He's her father..."

"Whose father?"

"The blonde haired girl... her name is..."

His eyes freeze in place and his breath stops.

Dean starts pounding on Castiel's chest, hoping for a heartbeat.

But it's too late.

"Dean," Sam says, grabbing his older brother's arm and looking him in his eyes with a sad stare. "He's gone."

  
**DEER MEADOW, WASHINGTON**  
THREE DAYS EARLIER

Mulder stands in a phone booth, bleeding, taking care to keep from getting his blood all over everything. His shirt is torn, and his knife wound has reopened. He's dialing up the regional office as he presses the phone to his ear. A lady answers. 

"Yeah, can I speak with Agent Dale Cooper? This is Fox Mulder from the Violent Crimes Unit, I'm out here in Deer Meadow, I need to talk to him about the Teresa Banks case. Thanks."

"One moment."

The phone begins to ring again.

"You said you needed to speak with Dale Cooper?" an enthusiastic, charismatic voice answers.

"Yes I did," Mulder responds.

"You've got him."

"Agent Cooper, my name is Fox Mulder. I've read extensively about your cases and I know you're just the man I need to talk to. I've got some new leads on the Teresa Banks case but they're a bit... unorthodox."

"If you've read my cases, you're understating by calling it 'extensive' research. What is it you need, Fox?"

"I'm gonna need you here with me, and we're gonna need the Tibetan method."

Fox glances over his shoulder, looking back at the man in handcuffs in his car. His name is John Locke and he's wearing a _big_ grin.


End file.
